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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

God: the things they call me!!!

They call me a pessimist!

But you know I am not. I am just a girl who loves surprises. When I wake up in the morning, I like to think it’s going to be a very bad day, so that when it turns out good, I would be surprised! When I travel, I think I would be crushed by a trailer along the pot-holed express roads, just so that when I arrive my destination, I would be surprised I am still alive. Not a pessimist, I am just a girl so bored she likes to give herself a lot of surprises.


They call me a feminist!

Mother God, you know I am not. I love you, and you already said a man should be in control, and though I hate you for that, I still obey that order. It is just that sometimes I just wonder why you made a girl so fragile. Sometimes you make me want to learn tai chi or Tai kwon do or karate because sometimes I so want to beat up some guys. Like that guy who knew I didn’t know the way home so promised to take me home, and on the way home he stopped and started to ask me ‘what if you don’t get home tonight’. Mother, you knew exactly what that rotten boy was thinking at that moment, and mother, that is a good example of a moment when a girl is supposed to beat a guy black and blue. God! At that moment I so felt like beating him, hitting, and hitting till he disappeared into the earth. I am no feminist Mother Lord, just a girl who needs more power from you.


A girl with too much sense!

In a world where that is an insult. A girl is not supposed to have too much sense. A girl is not supposed to read too many meanings into things. A girl is not even supposed to think. Mother God, you knew this yet, you gave me too much sense. Did you just want to make the world more difficult for me or you have a reason for this sense. Because as a girl, I am supposed to be a helpless romantic who believes in blind loving, who doesn’t ask questions but follows the man who chooses to lead me. After all you said ‘A man shall find a wife…’. The woman has no say in this? Why then do you give her sense. Why? Why?
I am not a pessimist, I am not a realist, I am not a feminist, I am not a girl with too much sense. I am just a really fucked up girl who always likes to question authority. But I promised never to question God. No, I won’t question God. Rather I would just let them all know, that I am not what they think. That sometimes too I too would ask questions, and no one is there to answer.

17 comments:

sunnyside said...

Firssssst

sunnyside said...

Seconddddd

sunnyside said...

Thirrrrrrd

sunnyside said...

Seriously . . . . There s a lot i want to say to u on this but . . . .
Seriously. .

I cant.

sunnyside said...

Seriously . . . . There s a lot i want to say to u on this but . . . .
Seriously. .

I cant.

sunnyside said...

Seriously . . . . There s a lot i want to say to u on this but . . . .
Seriously. .

I cant.

juiceegal said...

Erm sunnyside u're spamming...lol..ok i'm second
lol at 'mother God' and u say u're not a feminist..im not judging o..lol
I loved dis..esp d part bout u not being a woman with too much sense. Seriously i wonder why pple prefer dumb bimbos these days..hisssss

Myne Whitman said...

I hear you on the feminist and too much sense. Imagine. Mother God, now that's a good one.

HYAW said...

Sunnyside
First of all i don't know what to say to you. you are pushing me to enable my word verification, but considering how i hate word verification i wont... Lol.

stop looking for my trouble, and finally you didn't even say anything. mscheeeeeewwwww!!!!


@ Juicegal
seriously no feminism here. i know God created man in his own image and just drew out the woman from the man's ribs, but then i just still think that 'mother God' has a nice ring to it. lol. or maybe i am really a feminist. now im confused

@Myne whitman
sweetheart??? do you doubt me! I like mother God! the term Father Lord, being over-used

Maxine said...

Sunnyside, enough with the spam again :)

I loved this musing. The pairing of the term 'Mother God' along with the rejection of being a feminist creates a beautiful, and cheekily defiant conflict. The voice of the girl seems really to capture the mind-flights of adolescence as well.

HYAW said...

Hey Maxine, thanks for coming by. Now i think Sunnyside would finally listen...lol. thanks for the careful analysis you always make before you comment.

HYAW said...

Hey Maxine, thank you. i love these analysis.

Writefreak said...

You definitely have a lot going on in that pretty head of yours...
sweetie, don't think what you don't want...as a man thinks in his heart so he is...why not expect good things and then when they happen beyond your thoughts you'll still be surprised. God forbid that you're crushed by a trailer!
Mother God? That's a new one...and honestly God definitely made every woman in with sense to fulfill a unique purpose!
Take care dear

HYAW said...

Thanks Wrtefreak, so glad to have you back here. it's been long you came around. yeah, i am working on my optimism. thanks

Rita said...

These same words have been used to describe me in the past:

1. The Pessimist :- I used to think and speak negatively, not knowing that "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" and "from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" and "death and life are in the power of the tongue". It was no surprise that negative things eventually happened to me. Until I learnt to change my thoughts and words. It is still an ongoing process.

2. The Feminist: - I grew up in a family of 6 girls, a mother, no father, a very baby brother. So i had no respect/ regard for males. I took my feminism too far. I felt I was better than men and a woman does not need a man. It was no surprise that I could not stay in a relationship. But after the word of God started changing me, I realized that "there is equality in worth but hierachy in authority, and after God comes man before woman..." it does not make me less of a woman to be under a man. And that began my rebirth to respecting men.

I liked your words "I am not a pessimist, I am not a realist, I am not a feminist, I am not a girl with too much sense..." and I wish to hear you speak nicer words to yourself rather than "f$$ked up girl". It goes a long way HYAW...believe me...

As for your plenty sense, it is a gift...just ask God to show you the best way to use it. I used to criticise alot, it was a weakness. Now it is a strength because in my current job, I do alot of quality check and criticism, but now in a constructive manner.

juiceegal said...

Gosh Rita i love you....i'm going to quote a substantial part of your comment..permit me please

HYAW said...

@ Rita
i just noticed your comment. thank you so much for taking your time. this really helped thanks.

@Juicegal
learning from my blog? pay up