Wednesday, September 23, 2009

God: the things they call me!!!

They call me a pessimist!

But you know I am not. I am just a girl who loves surprises. When I wake up in the morning, I like to think it’s going to be a very bad day, so that when it turns out good, I would be surprised! When I travel, I think I would be crushed by a trailer along the pot-holed express roads, just so that when I arrive my destination, I would be surprised I am still alive. Not a pessimist, I am just a girl so bored she likes to give herself a lot of surprises.

They call me a feminist!

Mother God, you know I am not. I love you, and you already said a man should be in control, and though I hate you for that, I still obey that order. It is just that sometimes I just wonder why you made a girl so fragile. Sometimes you make me want to learn tai chi or Tai kwon do or karate because sometimes I so want to beat up some guys. Like that guy who knew I didn’t know the way home so promised to take me home, and on the way home he stopped and started to ask me ‘what if you don’t get home tonight’. Mother, you knew exactly what that rotten boy was thinking at that moment, and mother, that is a good example of a moment when a girl is supposed to beat a guy black and blue. God! At that moment I so felt like beating him, hitting, and hitting till he disappeared into the earth. I am no feminist Mother Lord, just a girl who needs more power from you.

A girl with too much sense!

In a world where that is an insult. A girl is not supposed to have too much sense. A girl is not supposed to read too many meanings into things. A girl is not even supposed to think. Mother God, you knew this yet, you gave me too much sense. Did you just want to make the world more difficult for me or you have a reason for this sense. Because as a girl, I am supposed to be a helpless romantic who believes in blind loving, who doesn’t ask questions but follows the man who chooses to lead me. After all you said ‘A man shall find a wife…’. The woman has no say in this? Why then do you give her sense. Why? Why?
I am not a pessimist, I am not a realist, I am not a feminist, I am not a girl with too much sense. I am just a really fucked up girl who always likes to question authority. But I promised never to question God. No, I won’t question God. Rather I would just let them all know, that I am not what they think. That sometimes too I too would ask questions, and no one is there to answer.